It seems the most common cause for the failing of marriages and partnerships is change. Change is inevitable; like the passing of time, change is going to happen. We evolve as people individually, so in turn our relationships will evolve, or not.
We fall in love, we get married, make a commitment to one person, become parents, change careers, become unwell, experience the stresses of daily life. For some of us we face unimaginable challenges, which demands nothing less, than significant changes to be made.
People often feel betrayed by change. ‘You’re not the person I fell in love with!’ ‘You’ve changed!’ Somehow there is a belief the person we make a commitment with, is a complete package, and perhaps therein lies the problem. We are never complete; we are in a constant place of transition, and transformation, with different versions of who we are. Nostalgia; that sense of longing to go back to safer, happier moments, is perhaps what drives this almost resentment, towards change.
We never encounter a place where we can say ‘I am done changing’. Part of the process of being married, or in a partnership is change. When life happens, and the initial romantic feelings leave, and passion is no longer the most important thing, we need to show up as adults, and find ways to be more content with the different versions of ourselves first, and then embrace the changes in our partner.
Imagine what can happen when we embrace change; when my life, and your life matters, and our lives together matter, and we take a moment to be awed by the man or woman we have invested in. How much more time together could we get?