There is nothing quite like starting a new relationship. It is fun and exciting. It seems everything changes for the better, and life feels intoxicating to say the least.
But what if the relationship starts off on a foundation of conflicting values, different levels of commitment, betrayal, and denial? These potentially toxic factors could predict the relationship will not make it in the long run, because it starts with dishonesty, and can cause both partners a great deal of emotional distress, conflict, and anxiety.
Dishonesty is often more about the individual, rather than the other person. We are often dishonest in an attempt to deny, or hide from our own emotions. In other words, our own truth is not good enough. Other reasons for dishonesty could be wanting to protect the other person, fear of being abandoned, or to avoid conflict.
When we are dishonest about our values, and the level of commitment we can offer, we betray not just ourselves, but the other person. This could indicate a lack of self-acceptance; of who we are as individuals, our emotions and needs. Denying and avoiding our own truth, is just another way to not face what must be done; working on self- acceptance and communicating honestly what it is we want from a relationship.
A power imbalance is often present in such a relationship, because one partner wants more than the other is willing, or able to give. One partner may want a commitment of marriage in the future, and the other partner does not value marriage, one partner may want children, and the other partner may already have children, and not interested in becoming a parent again.
A relationship can be amazing, and change everything, when it is entered into with honesty, integrity, and a willingness to invest with our true selves. If not, we need to ask: “Where is this going?”